Grace Thompson
A Catholic marriage is more than a contract, it is a sacrament. To have a healthy Catholic marriage, it is important to keep Christ at the center and to grow in prayer as a couple. It is also beneficial to seek guidance from Catholic teachings and saints, such as Mother Teresa, who said, it's not real love until it hurts. This implies that true love is about putting your spouse's needs above your own and making a daily commitment to uphold your wedding vows. It is important to recognize that marriage has its ups and downs and to foster virtues such as forgiveness, humility, and generosity to overcome challenges like anger, selfishness, and sadness. Couples should also play to their strengths, express frustrations calmly, and seek help when needed, as marriage counselling can provide a safe space to voice dissatisfactions. Ultimately, a healthy Catholic marriage requires a strong commitment to personal growth, mutual respect, and the inclusion of God and prayer in the relationship.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Keep a sense of humour | Joy and humour are important parts of any relationship |
| Recognise that marriage has its ups and downs | No marriage is rosy and romantic all the time |
| Put your marriage first | Marriage needs to take priority over work and children |
| Don't let negative feelings build up | Express frustrations in a calm, constructive way |
| Seek help when needed | Seeking help is acting wisely and responsibly for the good of your marriage |
| Recommit yourself to your marriage every day | Make a renewed personal commitment to keeping your relationship healthy |
| Play to your strengths | Figure out your strengths and back away from your weaknesses |
| Date your spouse | Set aside time to invest in the romantic part of your relationship |
| Put God first in your marriage | Keep Christ at the centre of your wedding day and your marriage |
| Pray together | Grow in prayer as a couple and a family |
| Be forgiving | Forgiving your spouse removes anger from your heart |
| Be selfless | Selfishness is the major cause of separation and divorce |
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What You'll Learn
Prioritise your marriage
Prioritising your marriage is essential to a healthy Catholic relationship. Marriage is a sacrament, and spouses are strengthened and consecrated by a special sacrament. It is important to put God first in your marriage, as well as to keep Christ at the centre of your wedding day and your marriage.
To prioritise your marriage, it is important to recommit yourself to your marriage every day. This means remembering your wedding vows and taking responsibility for your own behaviour. It is important to recognise that marriage has its ups and downs and that it is not always rosy and romantic. It can be downright hard sometimes. It is important to be realistic about this and not sweat the small stuff.
It is also important to make time for each other and to date your spouse. It is easy to let your relationship take a back seat when you are busy with work or caring for children, but it is important to set aside time to invest in the romantic part of your relationship. This might mean going back to the things you did when you were first dating, like leaving notes or flowers for each other.
It is also important to be aware of your strengths and weaknesses and to play to your strengths within your marriage. For example, if you are great with words, take the lead in dealing with teachers or repair people. This will help to avoid frustration and resentment.
Finally, it is important to seek help if you need it. This might mean marriage counselling or working with a spiritual director. Seeking help does not mean that you have failed; it means that you are acting wisely and responsibly for the good of your marriage and your future.
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Keep a sense of humour
A healthy Catholic marriage requires a strong commitment to self-improvement, self-knowledge, and the ability to forgive. It is important to recognise that marriage has its ups and downs and that romantic love is not enough to sustain a marriage.
A sense of humour is an important part of any relationship, and this is no different for Catholic marriages. It is important to not take the small things too seriously and to not sweat the small stuff. For example, if your partner does something that annoys you, try to let it go and see the humour in the situation. Maybe your husband can't remember where the colander goes, or your wife has left her shoes in the middle of the hallway again. Rather than getting annoyed, see the funny side and remember that these are minor inconveniences in the grand scheme of things.
When you live in close quarters with someone, it is inevitable that you will get on each other's nerves from time to time. It is important to express your frustrations in a calm and constructive way, and not let negative feelings build up. However, it is also important to be able to laugh about these frustrations and not take them too seriously. For example, if your husband keeps leaving his dirty clothes on the floor, rather than getting angry, try leaving a funny note for him to find, or playfully teasing him about it.
A sense of humour can also help you to deal with the challenges and stresses of married life. For example, if you are going through a difficult time financially, or if one of you is struggling with an illness, finding the humour in everyday situations can help to lighten the mood and make the burden feel a little lighter. It can also help you to see the positive side of things and to remember that even the toughest times won't last forever.
In addition, don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. We all make mistakes and do silly things from time to time. Rather than getting embarrassed or upset, learn to laugh at yourself and your partner is sure to join in. This can also help to create a sense of playfulness and fun in your relationship, which can strengthen your bond and make your marriage more enjoyable for both of you.
Finally, a sense of humour can also be a great way to defuse tension and avoid arguments. If you feel like you are getting annoyed with your partner, try to lighten the mood with a joke or a funny story. This can help to remind you both that your relationship is more important than whatever you are arguing about, and can help you to find a resolution without causing hurt or resentment.
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Pray together
Prayer and the sacraments are powerful tools for a healthy Catholic marriage. Even before the wedding, prayer can be a useful tool for couples to build a strong foundation for their marriage.
Praying together as a couple can take many forms. It can be as simple as saying grace before meals, or taking turns to lead prayers at bedtime. Couples can pray the Rosary together, or take part in a prayer service at their church. They can also pray for each other, and with each other, offering up their own intentions and petitions, as well as those of their spouse.
Praying together can be a way to keep Christ at the centre of a marriage. It can help couples to remember their wedding vows, and to recommit to them daily. It can also help them to keep God first in their marriage, and to remember that He created them both.
Praying together can also be a way for couples to work through conflicts and challenges in their marriage. It can be a time to forgive each other for any wrongs or failures, and to ask God for the grace to perfect their love and strengthen their unity. Prayer can also be a time for couples to express their frustrations in a calm, constructive way, and to seek God's help in changing their own behaviour, rather than trying to change their spouse.
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Be forgiving
Being forgiving is a key part of any marriage, and especially so in a Catholic marriage. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC 1638) states that "from a valid marriage arises a bond between the spouses which by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive". This means that spouses should strive to love each other with the same love with which Christ loves His Church.
Forgiveness is a virtue that can help to strengthen the bond between spouses and remove anger from the heart. It is important to recognise that both parties bring weaknesses and imperfections into the marriage, and that these can cause conflict and hurt. However, rather than trying to change each other, Catholic spouses should seek to forgive each other's wrongs and failures. This involves humility and a willingness to overlook minor annoyances and to forgive more serious transgressions.
In practical terms, this means expressing frustrations in a calm and constructive way, and not letting negative feelings build up. It also means being patient with each other and recognising that change takes time. If you are finding it difficult to forgive, it can be helpful to remember that you are both imperfect and that you are both trying to love and accept each other as you are. Seeking guidance from a priest or counsellor can also be a wise decision, as can drawing on the support of groups such as the Knights of Columbus.
Forgiveness does not mean ignoring serious issues or accepting blame for your spouse's character flaws. Instead, it is about recognising that you are both on a journey of growth and change, and committing to support and love each other through the ups and downs of married life. Ultimately, by choosing to forgive, Catholic spouses can strengthen their marriage and draw closer to God's grace.
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Seek help when needed
Seeking help when needed is a sign of strength and responsibility, not weakness. It is an important step towards improving your marriage and your future.
Marriage counselling is an option if you find that you and your spouse are unable to address problems without raised voices and heated emotions. Counselling provides an opportunity for each person to voice their dissatisfactions without interruption.
You can also seek help by working with a spiritual director. The Catholic faith can help spouses deal with unresolved loneliness by teaching that one always has Our Lady as another loving mother, St. Joseph as another loving father, and the Lord as a best friend.
Additionally, you can seek help by becoming familiar with the lives of the great Saints of the Catholic Church who were husbands and wives. Make their lives part of your spiritual reading, learn from them, and strive to be like them.
Remember that seeking help is about taking responsibility for your own behaviour and looking at how you can improve, rather than trying to change your spouse.
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