Coping With Loss: A Catholic's Guide To Grieving

what to do family member dies catholic

The death of a family member can be a difficult time for those left behind. The Catholic Church provides a comprehensive set of guidelines and rituals to help the bereaved navigate their loss and honour their departed loved one. From prayers and vigils to funeral arrangements and burials, there are many steps and considerations to keep in mind. The Church encourages active participation in rituals and prayer as a means of finding comfort and continuing the relationship with the deceased. This challenging journey is one that Catholics are never expected to make alone.

Characteristics Values
Funeral rites Vigil service, funeral liturgy, and rite of committal
Vigil service Wake, held at the funeral home, private residence, or parish church. Mourners pray for the soul of the deceased, remember their life, and offer condolences to the family.
Funeral liturgy An act of worship, led by a priest, with the casket and family following. Non-Catholics may stand/sit/kneel as they prefer. Prayers are read and communion is distributed, but only Catholics may receive communion.
Rite of committal Funeral guests are invited to the interment, where prayers are led by a priest or deacon. Military rites may be included.
Burial Burial in sacred ground in a Catholic cemetery is preferred, but cremation is now permitted.
Support The Church provides spiritual support for the dying and the bereaved.
Comfort The Church provides comfort to the bereaved through prayer and visits to the cemetery.

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Funeral services: Funeral Mass, liturgy, and rites of Christian burial

The Catholic funeral rite is divided into several stations, or parts, each with its own purpose. The funeral liturgy is the central liturgical celebration of the Christian community for the deceased. When one of its members dies, the Church encourages the celebration of the funeral liturgy at a Mass. When Mass cannot be celebrated, a funeral liturgy outside Mass can be celebrated at the church or in the funeral home. The liturgy is an act of worship, not merely an expression of grief. The funeral liturgy gathers the Church with the family and friends of the deceased to give praise and thanks to God for Christ's victory over sin and death, to commend the deceased to God's tender mercy and compassion, and to seek strength in the proclamation of the Paschal Mystery.

The Catholic funeral liturgy is comprised of three separate and vital parts: the Vigil, the Funeral Mass, and the Rite of Committal. The Vigil is often the time when family, friends, and members of the parish community gather for prayer and support in remembrance of their loved one. The Vigil may be celebrated in the home of the deceased, in the funeral home, or in the church. It is a time to remember the life of the deceased and to commend them to God. In prayer, we ask God to console us in our grief and give us strength to support one another. The Vigil Service can take the form of a Service of the Word with readings from Sacred Scripture accompanied by reflection and prayers. It can also take the form of one of the prayers of the Office for the Dead from the Liturgy of the Hours.

The Funeral Mass is the central liturgy of the Christian funeral. The Funeral Mass, at which a priest presides, takes place in the parish church, normally on the day of the burial. The Funeral Mass focuses, not on earthly life, but eternal life. This Mass celebrates the deceased and commends the soul to the love and mercy of God. The prayers of the Church entrust the individual to the care of God, who has called our loved one to Himself. Our prayers to God entreat Him to be gracious and merciful, not looking upon the sins of the past but to the glory they are to share with Christ. The liturgy also offers comfort and consolation to those who mourn. The Mass lifts our hearts to God, who will strengthen us in the days ahead and give us the grace of His comfort as we continue our journey of faith. Since the Funeral Mass leads us to reflect on eternal life, eulogies are discouraged.

The Rite of Committal is the final act of the community of faith in caring for the body of its deceased member. It should normally be celebrated at the place of committal, that is, beside the open grave or place of interment. The Rite of Committal includes a verse from the scriptures, a prayer of committal, intercessions, the Lord’s Prayer, and a blessing. If desired, music may be added to the Rite of Committal. This rite should take place directly after the Funeral Mass at the time of burial. A priest, deacon, or layperson may preside at this rite.

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Vigil or Wake: Prayers, scripture readings, and eulogizing the deceased

The Vigil Service, commonly known as the Wake, is the initial rite celebrated by the Christian community following the death of a loved one and before the funeral liturgy and the rite of committal. The Vigil usually takes place in a funeral home, but may also take place in the family home or in the parish church, as local custom dictates. The Vigil Service is a time for the Christian community to offer prayer and consolation to the bereaved family, to read and reflect on the Word of God, and to provide an opportunity for family and friends to remember their loved one.

The Vigil Service can take the form of a Service of the Word with readings from Sacred Scripture, accompanied by reflection and prayers. It can also take the form of one of the prayers of the Office for the Dead from the Liturgy of the Hours. The clergy and your funeral director can assist in planning such a service. It is most appropriate, when family and friends are gathered together for visitation, to offer time for recalling the life of the deceased. For this reason, eulogies are usually encouraged to be done at the funeral home during visitation or at the Vigil Service.

The Vigil consists of an opening rite, reading from the Scriptures, a reflection, prayers of intercession, and a blessing. This service typically accommodates opportunities for personal sharing by family members and friends. Participation of the bereaved family members is encouraged in both developing and leading a Vigil that truly remembers the life and relationships of the deceased. Parish leadership is typically available to assist in developing the Vigil. While the Vigil may be led by a member of the clergy, others may be selected by the family for both leadership and participation.

The Vigil is a time to pray for the soul of the faithful departed and all the other souls of family members. It is a time to remember the life of the deceased and comfort the living. Depending on the family’s wishes, the vigil can be held for one or two days. The liturgy includes readings from Scripture, music, a homily, and words of remembrance by a family member. It is also traditional to have a priest, deacon, nun, family member, or friend lead the mourners in the Rosary.

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Burial or cremation: Preferred burial in sacred ground, but cremation allowed

Burial in sacred ground is the preferred option for Catholics, but cremation is also allowed. Burial is considered the most fitting way to express faith and hope in the resurrection of the body. The Catholic Church believes in the sanctity of the body, and the physical presence of the body at funeral rites is preferred as it brings to mind the life and death of the person.

However, the Vatican lifted the prohibition of Catholics choosing cremation in 1963. It is now part of canon law that Catholics may choose cremation as their final disposition. The Church acknowledges that cremation does not hold the same value as traditional burial, but cremated remains are treated with the same prayerful reverence as full body remains.

The Church dictates that the body must be buried, cremated or not, and cemeteries have options for cremated remains that comply with Church guidelines. Burial of the ashes in a suitable container is required, and they must not be scattered or spread. The urn may be buried in a family plot or grave, or placed in a niche, cremation bench, or monument.

The funeral director will help plan the vigil, funeral, and viewings, and the priest will assist the family in making liturgical arrangements. The vigil is a time to pray for the soul of the departed and remember their life, and it is usually held in a funeral home or the parish church. The funeral liturgy is similar to Mass, with Scripture readings, and the final commendation is an act of respect for the deceased.

The Catholic cemeteries of the Archdiocese celebrate monthly masses for the souls of the faithful departed buried there and hold special prayer services and Masses.

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Support and comfort: Spiritual support and prayers for the bereaved

The Catholic Church offers various ways to provide spiritual support and prayers for the bereaved. The Church identifies three stations, or time periods, for the celebration of the rite of Christian burial:

The Vigil Service

The Vigil for the deceased, commonly known as the Wake, is the initial rite celebrated by the Christian community at the time following death and before the funeral liturgy and the rite of committal. The Vigil usually takes place in a funeral home, but it may also be held in the family home or in the parish church. During the Vigil, the Christian community offers prayer and consolation to the bereaved family, reads and reflects on the Word of God, and recalls memories of the deceased. Other prayers, such as the Rosary, are also encouraged.

The Funeral Liturgy

The Funeral Liturgy is similar to the Mass with Scripture readings, but it does not include the Liturgy of the Eucharist. The final commendation is an act of respect for the deceased and an acknowledgement of the reality of separation. The community pays tribute to the person who has passed away and affirms their shared destiny of resurrection on the last day.

The Rite of Committal

The Rite of Committal involves the burial or entombment of the deceased. Catholics are typically buried in sacred ground within a Catholic cemetery, although cremation is also acceptable if the ashes are buried in a suitable container. The Church encourages active and inactive Catholics to take advantage of the rite of Christian burial.

Ongoing Support

The weeks and months following a death can be difficult, and the Catholic Church provides ongoing support and comfort to the bereaved. Prayer and participation in the life of the Church can provide solace and a sense of continuing the relationship with the deceased. Monthly masses are often celebrated for the souls of the faithful departed, and special prayer services are held on significant days such as Good Friday, Memorial Day, and All Souls' Day.

The Church also encourages bringing food to the home of the bereaved during the time of mourning and providing ongoing emotional support as they navigate their grief.

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Planning: Funeral director, priest, and cemetery arrangements

When a Catholic family member dies, the first step is to choose a funeral director. Funeral directors help with many aspects of funeral planning, including burial or cremation, the location of the funeral, and the date and time of the funeral.

If you opt for a church funeral, you must decide whether to include a Catholic funeral Mass. Typically, Catholic funerals are held in a Catholic church, though they may also be held at a funeral home. The service is usually led by a Catholic priest, who delivers a sermon commemorating the deceased's life.

Funeral Masses are generally celebrated at the morning weekday Mass, usually at 10:00 am. If there are exceptional circumstances, the family may need to make an appointment to speak with the parish priest. The funeral director will contact the parish house or office to make the final arrangements for the date and time of the Mass or service. They will also coordinate with the cemetery or crematorium for the time of the service there.

The final stage of a Catholic funeral is the Rite of Committal, which usually takes place at the cemetery but may also be part of the funeral service at the church. During this final rite, the priest officially commits the body to the earth, and everyone says their final goodbyes.

Respectfully Retiring a Catholic Missal

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Frequently asked questions

First, you should call your parish priest. They can pray with you, comfort your family and answer any questions you may have. After speaking with a priest, contact a funeral director and a Catholic cemeterian to begin making arrangements for the funeral and burial.

The Catholic Church identifies three stations, or time periods, for the celebration of the rite of Christian burial: the Vigil Service, the funeral liturgy, and the rite of committal. The Vigil, commonly known as the Wake, is the initial rite celebrated by the Christian community following death and before the funeral liturgy and the rite of committal. The Vigil usually takes place in a funeral home, but may also take place in the family home or in the parish church. The funeral liturgy is similar to Mass with Scripture readings, but does not have the Liturgy of the Eucharist. The rite of committal is the final commendation, a final farewell by the members of the community.

Prayer and participation in the life of the Church can provide comfort and a way of continuing the relationship with the deceased family member. Visits to the cemetery also provide comfort and an ongoing assurance of the Church's hope in the resurrection of the dead.

The following prayers may be recited with the dying person, alternating with times of silence: Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be. The dying person may also be signed on the forehead with the cross, as was done at Baptism.

Provide smaller amounts of your family member's favourite foods. Even if they are unable to eat them, they may still enjoy the aromas and reminisce with you about special memories. Think of other small comforts that would spark meaningful memories, like special photos or mementos. Your quiet, patient presence can also provide important support as your loved one prepares emotionally and spiritually for their passing.

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