Rachel Evans
When it comes to Catholic weddings, there are a number of rules and traditions that dictate what you can and cannot do. For instance, the wedding liturgy is the high point of the day, where the couple becomes husband and wife in a lifelong covenant of marriage. This is a sacred moment, and the ceremony is steeped in tradition, so it's important to be aware of the expectations and requirements of a Catholic wedding. From the location and attire to the exchange of vows and consent, there are specific guidelines to follow.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Asking "Who gives this woman to be married?" | The bride and groom give themselves to each other |
| Asking "If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be wed, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace" | Notices of upcoming weddings are published, allowing anyone with objections to come forward beforehand |
| Saying "With this ring, I thee wed" | The moment of marriage is the exchange of consent and the speaking of vows; the ring is a symbol of the union |
| Saying "I now pronounce you man and wife" | The couple becomes husband and wife when they give their consent and make their vows to each other |
| Non-Catholic marrying a Catholic | The non-Catholic does not have to convert to Catholicism, but permission may be needed from the bishop for a non-Catholic church wedding |
| Marrying outside of a Catholic church | A dispensation to marry in another Christian church may be obtained from the bishop on the recommendation of the Catholic parish priest |
| Personalising the liturgy | The wedding is a liturgical celebration involving all of God's people, so personal expressions should not be mixed in with the liturgy |
| Multiple wedding ceremonies | There can only be one marriage ceremony |
| Civil marriage before the religious wedding | In the US, priests/deacons have the power to marry couples legally and religiously; there is no need for a separate civil marriage |
| Non-Catholic receiving Holy Communion | There is provision for this in exceptional cases, but it may not be something the non-Catholic spouse wishes to do |
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What You'll Learn
Don't expect to hear I now pronounce you man and wife
When it comes to Catholic weddings, there are certain rules and traditions that dictate what can and cannot be done. One such tradition is that the priest does not pronounce the couple as "man and wife" or "husband and wife". This is because, in the Catholic faith, it is believed that a couple becomes husband and wife by giving their consent and exchanging vows, rather than by a minister's declaration. The priest's role is to preside over and witness these vows, not to perform the marriage.
This tradition often comes as a surprise to those unfamiliar with Catholic weddings, as it is a common occurrence in television and movie weddings, as well as in weddings of other religious denominations. For example, at Protestant weddings, it is common for a minister to pronounce the couple as husband and wife at the end of the ceremony.
In a Catholic wedding, the emphasis is on the actions of the bride and groom, rather than any other individual. The exchange of consent and vows is considered the moment of the marriage, and the wedding ring is seen as a symbol of the union that has taken place. The rings are blessed and exchanged with the phrase, "Receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."
While the priest does not pronounce the couple as husband and wife, they may still introduce the newly married couple to the attendees with a phrase such as "For the first time, Mr. and Mrs.!" This introduction is followed by the couple's first kiss as a married couple and the exit to start the recessional.
It is important to note that Catholic weddings are liturgical celebrations, and as such, they are not open to changes or personal alterations. The unity of the Church is reflected in the common celebration of divine worship and sacraments, and personal expressions are not included in the liturgy.
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Don't expect to hear With this ring, I thee wed
For those who are unfamiliar with Catholic weddings, the tradition and structure of the event can feel daunting. The rituals and sacraments of Catholic weddings are laid out by the leadership of the Catholic Church, and they are steeped in tradition and liturgy.
One such tradition is the exchange of wedding rings. In many other wedding traditions, the phrase "With this ring, I thee wed" is uttered by the priest or minister during the ceremony. However, in Catholic weddings, this phrase is not typically used. Instead, the moment of the marriage is marked by the exchange of consent and the speaking of the vows. The ring is considered a symbol of the union that has already taken place through the giving of consent and vows.
During a Catholic wedding, the couple exchanges rings with the phrase, "Receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." This phrase emphasizes the sacred nature of the union and invokes the Trinity as a blessing upon the marriage.
It is important to note that Catholic weddings generally do not allow for a lot of personalization or deviation from the prescribed rituals. The priest presiding over the wedding has the authority to dictate the extent to which a Catholic wedding ceremony can be tailored to fit the couple's preferences. Therefore, if you are attending a Catholic wedding, don't expect to hear phrases like "With this ring, I thee wed," as the ceremony will likely adhere closely to the traditional liturgy.
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Don't expect to get married anywhere other than a church without the bishop's permission
If you're planning a Catholic wedding, it's important to remember that you'll need to get married in a Catholic church. While it is possible to marry outside of a Catholic church, it is not common and requires permission from your bishop, which must be obtained via your parish priest. This is referred to as a dispensation and is typically only granted in exceptional circumstances, such as if one member of the couple is gravely ill and unable to travel to a church.
In the case of a "mixed marriage," where one partner is a non-Catholic Christian, permission can be granted by the bishop for the wedding to take place in a non-Catholic church, but it must still be a sacred space. If your future spouse is of another faith or has no religious beliefs, it is still possible to marry them without them having to convert to Catholicism. However, the wedding must still take place in a church.
It's worth noting that a Catholic wedding is more than just a personal celebration of your love for each other. It is a liturgical celebration, an action involving all of God's people, and as such, it is not open to changes of personal creation. While you may be able to choose whether to include a Nuptial Mass, which includes Holy Communion, and other traditions, the ceremony itself should follow the rituals and sacraments laid out by the Catholic Church.
If you're unsure about any aspect of planning your Catholic wedding, it's best to speak to your parish priest, who can provide guidance and clarification on the rules and requirements. They can also advise you on how to obtain permission from the bishop if you wish to marry outside of a Catholic church.
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Don't expect to hear personal vows
When it comes to Catholic weddings, there are certain rules and traditions that dictate what can and cannot be done. One of these traditions is that couples generally do not exchange their own wedding vows. Instead, they customarily recite traditional wedding vows to enter into holy matrimony. This is because the Rite of Marriage does not provide an option for couples to write their own vows, and because the Church expresses the unity of all believers through the unity of the liturgy.
The exchange of vows is a crucial part of a Catholic wedding ceremony, as it is when the couple gives their consent to be united in holy matrimony. The traditional Catholic wedding vows are as follows:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life."
> "I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
While some couples may prefer to write their own vows as a way of expressing their love in their own words, the Catholic Church maintains that a wedding is not just about the couple but is a sacrament and a liturgical celebration involving all of the people of God. As such, personal expressions are not typically allowed to be mixed in with the Church's liturgy.
However, there are ways for couples to include personal expressions of love within the constraints of the Catholic wedding ceremony. For example, couples can include a personal statement or declaration of love in the printed wedding program or give a speech at the reception. Additionally, the Rite of Marriage provides several wording options for the exchange of consent, allowing couples to tailor this portion of the vows to their preferences.
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Don't expect non-Catholic guests to receive Holy Communion
If you are having a Catholic wedding ceremony with a Nuptial Mass, it will include Holy Communion. However, it is important to note that non-Catholic guests are not ordinarily able to receive Holy Communion at a Catholic Mass. This is because the Catholic Church believes that the bond of communion between members is sacred, and that only those who are part of the Church should receive it.
If your non-Catholic partner does not wish to receive Communion, you may opt for a Liturgy of the Word service instead so that they are not excluded. This is, in fact, encouraged by the Church. Alternatively, if you have many non-Catholic guests, a Nuptial Mass may not be the best option as it may not be understood or appreciated by those present.
In exceptional cases, there is provision for non-Catholics to receive Holy Communion. This is recognised by the Catholic Bishops of England and Wales in their document, "One Bread, One Body". However, this is not something that your non-Catholic partner or guests may wish to do, and it is not the norm.
If you are unsure about what to do or have any questions, it is best to speak to your parish priest, who will be able to advise you and clarify any matters relating to your wedding ceremony.
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Frequently asked questions
No, Catholic weddings are typically held in a Catholic church. If you want to hold your wedding somewhere else, you will need to write to your bishop for permission.
No, you cannot write your own vows. The Catholic wedding ceremony is highly traditional and not open to changes of personal creation.
It is generally encouraged that guests dress modestly.
