Ethan Walker
Marriage vows are promises exchanged between a couple during their wedding ceremony. While they are based on Western Christian norms, marriage vows are not universal within Christian marriage. In a Catholic wedding, the couple usually recites traditional wedding vows, which are considered the most important part of the ceremony as they unite the couple in holy matrimony. The vows are based on a declaration of consent and are exchanged after the priest asks the couple a set of three questions. The traditional vows include the promise to stay together through good and bad times, sickness and health, and till death.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Free will | I, [name], take you, [name of bride/husband], to be my wedded [wife/husband] |
| Love and cherish | To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health |
| Fidelity | Till death do us part |
| Exclusivity of intimacy | To have |
| Nurturing | To hold |
| Commitment | Till death do us part |
| Acceptance of children | Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church? |
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What You'll Learn
The history of Catholic marriage vows
The vows were formalised in the Book of Common Prayer, first published in 1549, which was based on earlier Latin texts. The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, were:
> Groom: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
> Bride: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
The phrase "till death us do part" indicates that death is the only acceptable reason for the dissolution of a marriage, reflecting the Catholic Church's teaching that marriage is an unbreakable bond. The word "obey" was removed from the bride's section of the vows in 1922, though it was retained in some later editions of the prayer book.
The structure of traditional Catholic wedding vows is based on Canon Law and the Church's teachings, recognising marriage as a sacrament or sacred act instituted by Christ. Catholic marriage vows emphasise permanence, fidelity, and openness to children, reflecting the Church's deep theological foundation.
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The seven life-giving words of marriage
Marriage vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms and are not universal to marriage or Christian marriage. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York.
- I take you to be my wedded wife/husband: This is the first part of the vow, where the couple expresses their free will and choice to marry each other. It is not a forced marriage, and the individuals take personal responsibility for their decision.
- To have and to hold: This phrase signifies exclusivity and intimacy in the marriage. "To have" means to enjoy a sexual relationship and also to understand and know each other deeply in all contexts. "To hold" means to keep, tend, and watch over, indicating a commitment to care for and nourish one's spouse.
- From this day forward, for better, for worse: This portion of the vow acknowledges that marriage is a lifelong journey with ups and downs. It is a promise to stay together and committed, no matter what life brings.
- For richer, for poorer: This phrase recognizes that financial circumstances may fluctuate throughout married life. It is a promise to support and remain faithful to one another, regardless of economic status.
- In sickness and in health: This part of the vow acknowledges that illness or health issues may arise during the marriage. It is a promise to care for and support each other through sickness and to celebrate and cherish good health.
- To love and to cherish: Love is an essential aspect of marriage, and this vow is a promise to deeply love and value one's spouse as a child of God. Cherishing one's partner involves recognizing their incredible worth and choosing to spend one's life with them.
- Till death do us part: This phrase signifies the seriousness and permanence of the marriage covenant. It is a lifelong commitment, with death as the only dissolution of the bond.
These seven vows are traditionally recited during Catholic wedding masses and are adapted for civil ceremonies and other religious traditions. They serve as a powerful expression of love, devotion, and mutual support between spouses, providing a solid foundation for married life.
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The exchange of consent
Firstly, the priest will ask three questions of the couple. The couple should respond with either ""I have" or "I am", or "I will" or "yes". The questions are:
- ""Are you prepared, as you follow the path of marriage, to love and honour each other for as long as you both shall live?"
- "Will you honour each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?"
- "Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"
Secondly, the couple will exchange vows. The traditional vow is:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband]. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life."
Thirdly, the couple will exchange rings, which are blessed by the priest. One popular phrasing is:
> "[Name], receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."
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The ring exchange
The exchange of rings is a significant part of Catholic wedding ceremonies. The rings symbolise the couple's unending love and lifelong commitment to each other. The priest blesses the wedding rings, and the couple exchanges them while reciting their vows.
The exact wording of the vows may vary, but they typically include a declaration of the couple's love, honour, and fidelity. For example, the bride and groom may say:
> " [Name], receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."
Alternatively, the couple may recite:
> "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, take and wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness."
The traditional wedding vows used in Catholic ceremonies are based on the Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church. The first part of the vows is given in Latin, and the second part is said in the "mother tongue" of the couple. The vows are adapted from the Book of Common Prayer, which was first published in English in 1549.
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy will; and I pledge to you my faithfulness."
These vows emphasise the couple's free will in choosing to marry each other and their commitment to stay together through life's joys and challenges. The phrase "to have and to hold" signifies exclusivity and intimacy, while "to love and to cherish" reflects the value and respect spouses should have for each other as children of God.
The exchange of rings and vows is a sacred moment in a Catholic wedding, uniting the couple in holy matrimony and marking the completion of the marriage.
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The role of the officiant
In a Catholic wedding, the bride and groom are the ones who administer the Sacrament to each other through their exchange of consent and vows. The officiant's role is to facilitate this process and ensure the validity of the marriage within the Church. They do not declare the couple as husband and wife but instead bear witness to the couple's declaration of their own free will. This is an important distinction, as it emphasizes the couple's personal responsibility and commitment to each other before God and the Church.
The officiant is also responsible for creating a meaningful and respectful ceremony. While the specific duties may vary depending on the couple's preferences and the officiant's style, the overall goal is to guide the couple and their guests through the sacred ritual of marriage. This may include offering prayers, readings, and homilies that reflect the significance of the occasion.
In some cases, there may be requests for a family member or friend to officiate the wedding. However, in the Catholic Church, only ordained clergy are typically permitted to officiate. This is a matter of ensuring that the sacrament is witnessed by a representative of the Church, and it is a requirement for the marriage to be considered valid by the Church.
The specific requirements for officiants and the ceremony's structure can vary slightly depending on the jurisdiction and the couple's specific circumstances. For example, in weddings between a Catholic and a non-Christian or non-Catholic, the ceremony may be slightly different, and deacons may also serve as witnesses. Ultimately, the role of the officiant in a Catholic wedding is to uphold the sacredness of the Sacrament of Matrimony and ensure the couple's vows are exchanged and witnessed according to Catholic tradition and beliefs.
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Frequently asked questions
There are no 7 vows of marriage in a Catholic wedding. The Catholic Church considers the exchange of consent between the bride and groom to be indispensable for the marriage. The couple can also choose to include additional readings, poetry, or extracts from a book.
The traditional vows in a Catholic wedding are:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [husband/wife]. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honour you all the days of my life.
The phrase "to have and to hold" is derived from the Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church. It signifies a thorough and exhaustive mutual knowledge that encompasses all aspects of life, including emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical intimacy.
The phrase "till death do us part" signifies a lifelong commitment, suggesting that death should be the only reason for the marriage to end.
Yes, couples can write their own vows in addition to the traditional vows. However, the official vows are legally binding and cannot be changed.
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