Ethan Walker
Kissing is a topic that has been widely discussed within the Catholic community. While some believe that kissing is acceptable as long as it does not lead to lustful thoughts or actions, others argue that passionate kissing, or 'making out', between unmarried individuals is a mortal sin. This is because it is considered an act of impurity that stirs up passions and can lead to further sinful behaviour. Some Catholic couples have even made the decision to refrain from kissing until their wedding day, believing that it allows them to develop genuine affection and avoid the temptation of lust. However, others advocate for physical affection during courtship, emphasising the importance of chemistry while refraining from fornication. Ultimately, the Church does not have a precise rule regarding kissing, leaving it up to individuals to discern whether their actions are lustful and sinful.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Kissing before marriage | Sinful |
| Kissing with lustful pleasure | Mortal sin |
| Kissing without lustful pleasure | Not sinful |
| Heavy and passionate kissing | Can lead to mortal sin |
| Purposefully fantasizing about sex with someone who isn't your spouse | Sinful |
| Arousal | Natural response |
| Kissing as a gateway to other acts | Yes |
| Abstinent couples engaging in passionate kissing | Leads to sexual sins |
| Kissing your boyfriend/girlfriend | Not wrong if it doesn't go further |
| Kissing as a prayer | Yes |
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What You'll Learn
Kissing is not sinful if it is not lustful
The Catechism says that the Church understands the sixth commandment to include the whole of human sexuality. While it specifically calls out "masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices" as "gravely contrary to chastity", it does not mention kissing.
Some people recommend saving even a kiss for your wedding day, or refraining from almost all physical contact until at least engagement. However, others advocate for plenty of physical affection throughout a relationship, as long as fornication is avoided.
Jesus warns against looking lustfully at a person: "Whoever looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matt. 5:28). Therefore, kisses and touches are sinful if they tempt someone into lust or if they are done purposely to experience sexual pleasure outside of marriage.
It is important to note that the Church does not have a precise rule for kissing. It is up to each person to discern whether the way they touch and kiss their partner is lustful.
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Kissing can lead to further sins
Kissing can be a gateway to other sins. While a quick kiss or peck is unlikely to cause "carnal and sensible delight", a prolonged kiss can lead to further sins. Thomas Aquinas explores this question in the Summa Theologiae, asking "whether there can be mortal sin in touches and kisses". He concludes that kisses and caresses are not sinful in themselves if they are done without lustful pleasure. However, they can be considered sinful if they lead someone to consent to lustful pleasure or if they are done to arouse venereal pleasure.
The Church does not have a precise rule for kissing outside of marriage, just as it does not have a rule for other physical interactions. It is up to each person to discern whether their actions are lustful. Lustful thoughts and desires are considered sins against chastity, even if no external sin is committed.
Passionate kissing or 'making out' can stir up passions and desires that are not easily tamed once awakened. It can be a slippery slope to fornication or create an excessive emotional attachment. For couples who are saving sex for marriage, passionate kissing can lead to desires that cannot be morally satisfied outside of marriage.
Some people advocate refraining from kissing before marriage to avoid the risk of committing a mortal sin and to allow for a clearer vision to choose the right partner. By avoiding kissing, couples can focus on developing genuine affection, service, and sacrifice for each other.
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Kissing before marriage is a mortal sin
Kissing before marriage is considered a mortal sin in the Catholic faith. The Catechism states that "every baptized person is called to lead a chaste life." This includes abstaining from masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices. While kissing is not specifically mentioned, it is generally understood that any form of physical intimacy outside of marriage is considered sinful.
Some Catholics believe that even a simple kiss can be a gateway to other sinful behaviors. They argue that kissing can lead to unruly passions and create an excessive emotional attachment that can cloud one's judgment and lead to further impurity. For this reason, some Catholic couples choose to abstain from kissing before marriage, saving their first kiss for their wedding day. They view this as a way to maintain purity and ensure that their relationship is built on genuine affection rather than lustful desires.
However, there are differing opinions within the Catholic Church regarding kissing before marriage. Some argue that kissing is not inherently sinful if it is done without lustful intentions. They believe that it is possible to express love and affection through modest kisses that do not arouse venereal pleasure. Additionally, they recognize that it can be challenging to determine another person's intentions and internal responses to physical affection.
Ultimately, the Catholic Church does not have a clear-cut rule regarding kissing before marriage. It is left to individuals to discern whether their actions are driven by lustful desires or genuine affection. The key distinction lies in the intention and the potential consequences of the act. If kissing leads to a consent to lustful pleasure or creates an occasion for grievous sensual emotions, it is considered a mortal sin.
In conclusion, while there are varying interpretations, many Catholics consider kissing before marriage to be a mortal sin. The decision to abstain from kissing or engage in modest displays of affection is a personal choice that reflects an individual's commitment to chastity and their interpretation of Catholic teachings.
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Kissing can lead to excessive emotional attachment
Kissing is a physical expression of affection that can stir strong emotions and create a sense of intimacy between two people. While kissing may seem like a harmless and natural part of human interaction, the Catholic Church has traditionally viewed it with caution, especially when it comes to premarital relationships. The Church's teachings on kissing are rooted in the idea that physical intimacy should be reserved for the marital union and that excessive displays of affection outside of marriage can lead to emotional and physical temptations that contradict a life of chastity.
When a kiss is shared between two people, particularly those who are not married, it can stir up powerful emotions and create a sense of physical and emotional attachment. This attachment can become excessive and may lead to a sense of possessiveness or entitlement over the other person. The physical intimacy of kissing can trigger a release of hormones, such as oxytocin and dopamine, which are associated with bonding and pleasure. While these hormones can foster feelings of connection and happiness, they can also cloud judgment and lead individuals to act in ways that contradict their values or moral standards.
For Catholics striving to live a chaste life, kissing can present a particular challenge. It can be a slippery slope, leading to physical intimacy that goes beyond what is appropriate outside of marriage. Kissing can stir up desires and temptations that are difficult to control, potentially leading to actions that contradict the Church's teachings on premarital chastity. By reserving physical intimacy for marriage, Catholics believe they are honoring the sacredness of the marital union and preserving the emotional and spiritual integrity of both individuals.
Additionally, kissing can foster an emotional connection that may not be sustainable or healthy outside of a committed relationship. Intense emotional attachment can develop, leading to feelings of heartbreak, disappointment, or even despair if the relationship does not progress or ends unexpectedly. The Church's guidance on kissing encourages Catholics to cultivate emotional chastity, ensuring that their affections are ordered toward honorable and virtuous ends.
In summary, while kissing may seem like a harmless display of affection, Catholics are cautioned to approach it with discernment and moderation, especially outside of marriage. Kissing can ignite emotions and physical desires that, if left unchecked, may lead individuals astray from their commitment to chastity and virtue. By reserving intimate expressions of affection for the marital union, Catholics believe they are honoring God's plan for human sexuality and fostering healthy, respectful relationships that are rooted in self-control and mutual respect.
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Kissing can be a prayer
Some Catholic couples choose to save their first kiss for their wedding day. This is not because they believe kissing is evil or because they cannot control themselves, but because they cherish a simple kiss so much that they want God and the world to witness their first one. Their first kiss can be offered as a prayer.
When a couple's hearts are right with God, they are concerned with what is truly pure and how they can glorify God with their bodies. They want every act of affection to be a reflection of the fact that He is first in their lives. Until that is the case, they will have a terribly hard time discerning love from lust.
Kissing is not sinful in itself. Thomas Aquinas explores this question in the Summa Theologiae, asking “whether there can be mortal sin in touches and kisses.” He concludes that kisses, caresses, etc. are not sinful in themselves if they are done without lustful pleasure. However, they can be mortally sinful if they lead someone to consent to lustful pleasure or if they are done to experience sexual pleasure outside of marriage.
A modest kiss can be a mark of honourable and lawful affection, even between persons of the opposite sex. However, it must not become willfully passionate and sensual and, hence, grievously sinful. It will easily become sinful if repeated often at the same meeting. One friendly and pure goodnight kiss is not dangerous for engaged couples, but it ought to be sufficient.
Heavy and passionate kissing can easily lead towards further things that are gravely sinful. It is an occasion of sin, and a serious one. This kind of intimacy stirs up the passions—it is supposed to. It is the preliminary action to sex and it is designed to get you in the mood. Passionate kissing is like a fifteen-year-old sitting in a car in his driveway, revving up the engine while keeping the car in park because he knows he does not have the license to drive.
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Frequently asked questions
Kissing someone is not considered a mortal sin in Catholicism if it is a non-passionate kiss, done without lustful pleasure. However, a kiss that elicits "carnal and sensible delight" is considered a mortal sin.
A non-passionate kiss is a modest and respectable mark of affection and love, while a passionate kiss or "making out" is considered deeply unitive and stirs up passions and desires that cannot be morally satisfied outside of marriage.
Some Catholics choose to refrain from kissing before marriage to avoid the risk of committing a mortal sin, as kissing may lead to further physical intimacy that is considered sinful outside of marriage. Refraining from kissing can also help couples develop genuine affection for one another and avoid compromising their values.
Some Catholics believe that kissing is not inherently sinful, but it can become sinful if it leads to lustful thoughts or actions. It is important for individuals to discern whether their actions are driven by lustful pleasure, as consenting to lustful pleasure is considered a sin.
