Rachel Evans
Many Catholics have family members or friends who have fallen away from the Catholic Church, and they often want to encourage them to return. Pope Francis has warned against being backseat Christians and not taking an active role in welcoming fallen-away Catholics back. It is important to listen to their reasons for leaving and to show empathy and compassion. Most fallen-away Catholics want to know that someone cares and that they are missed. It is also important to resist the temptation to nag, complain, or become critical, as this can drive people further away. Instead, take the initiative to reach out and invite them back.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Tone | Be empathetic, gentle, compassionate, and merciful |
| Actions | Invite them to Mass, initiate contact, and listen more than you speak |
| Prayer | Pray for their return, pray the Rosary, and make a Holy Hour |
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What You'll Learn
Show them they are missed and invite them back
When trying to reconnect with a fallen-away Catholic, it is important to remember that they may have had negative experiences with the Church or its members. They may feel hurt, angry, or disappointed, and it is crucial to approach them with empathy and understanding. Here are some ways to show them that they are missed and invite them back:
Firstly, it is essential to maintain a loving and non-judgmental attitude. Let them know that they are missed and that their presence is valued in the community. Share memories of their participation in the past and how their absence is felt. Be sincere in your outreach and let them know that they have been in your thoughts and prayers.
Organize social events or community activities that are welcoming and inclusive. Create an environment where they can feel a sense of belonging and connection with others. Invite them to join in on activities that are not strictly religious, such as community service projects, social justice initiatives, or even just social gatherings like potlucks or game nights. Show them that being part of the Catholic community is about more than just attending Mass; it's about being part of a supportive and caring family.
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Avoid nagging, complaining, arguing, or criticising
When talking to a lapsed Catholic, it is important to avoid nagging, complaining, arguing, or criticising. This can be difficult, especially if you are a practising Catholic yourself, or if the person in question is a family member. However, it is important to remember that these behaviours will only drive the other person further away. Instead, try to respond with love and empathy.
People often leave the Church because they feel hurt, or because they are missing something non-Sacramental. They may feel lonely and isolated, and it is important to let them know that they are cared for. Once they know that you care, they may be more open to hearing your perspective. Be the person to take the initiative and reach out, and make sure that you are genuine in your desire to reconnect.
It is also important to listen. Ask them questions about their beliefs, and try to understand their perspective. Most people are not interested in hearing monologues about purgatory or Mary; they are more likely to be asking questions of identity, meaning, and God's existence. So, listen more than you speak, and try to understand their point of view.
Remember that people's reasons for leaving the Church may not make sense to you, and that's okay. You don't need to agree with their reasons, but it's important to respect them. Focus on showing the person that you care, and that you are there for them, rather than trying to convince them to return to the Church.
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Listen more than you talk
When talking to a fallen-away Catholic, it is important to listen more than you talk. This is because many fallen-away Catholics want to know that someone cares about them and their decision to leave. They want to know that their absence has been noticed and that it has affected others. Therefore, it is important to listen to their reasons for leaving and to empathize with their feelings.
Listening more than you talk also helps you to understand what the other person needs. Most people are not asking questions about purgatory or Mary, but rather questions of identity, meaning, and God's existence. By listening, you can understand their questions and address their specific needs.
Resist the temptation to nag, complain, argue, rant, or become critical. These behaviours will only drive the other person further away. Instead, take the initiative to reach out and be a good friend.
It is also important to be gentle and compassionate in your approach. Preach the truth with compassion, not with "harsh and proud opinions". Show the beauty of Catholicism by demonstrating a spirit of compassion and gentleness.
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Show compassion and gentleness
When talking to a fallen-away Catholic, it is important to show compassion and gentleness. This means being empathetic and understanding of their reasons for leaving the Church, even if their reasons don't make sense to you. It is crucial to resist the temptation to nag, complain, argue, or become critical, as this will only drive them further away. Instead, actively listen to their concerns and try to meet them where they are.
Fallen-away Catholics often feel hurt, angry, or lost, and they want to know that someone cares about them and notices their absence. It can be as simple as telling them that they are missed and that you care about them. Be genuine in your words, tone, and demeanor, and let them know that they are valued and that their presence in the Catholic community is important.
In your conversations, focus on their questions and needs rather than monologuing or preaching. Many individuals have questions about identity, meaning, and God's existence, so be willing to listen and provide thoughtful responses that address their specific concerns. Remember that they may be struggling with feelings of loneliness or disconnection, so creating a safe and welcoming space for them to express their thoughts and feelings is essential.
Additionally, take the initiative to reach out and invite them to participate in Catholic activities or events. Let them know that they have a place in the Catholic community and that their contributions are valued. By showing compassion and gentleness, you can help create a supportive and inclusive environment that may encourage them to reconsider their relationship with the Catholic Church.
Finally, prayer can be a powerful tool. You can pray for their return and also encourage them to join you in prayer or other spiritual practices, such as the Rosary or Holy Hour, if they are open to it. Remember that your goal is to accompany them on their faith journey, offering support and compassion along the way.
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Make the first move to close the distance
Making the first move to close the distance is an important step in reconnecting with a fallen-away Catholic. Here are some detailed suggestions to initiate that first step:
Firstly, take the initiative and be proactive in reaching out. It is important to not wait for them to come to you, as this can create further distance. Be the one to extend an invitation, show that you care, and take an interest in them. This can make a significant difference and demonstrate your willingness to rebuild a connection.
When initiating contact, it is essential to listen more than you speak. Ask open-ended questions and be prepared to listen attentively to their responses. Show genuine empathy and avoid the temptation to preach or monologue. Remember that they may be dealing with complex emotions, and your role is to listen and understand their perspective, even if you don't agree with their reasons for leaving.
Be gentle and compassionate in your approach. Avoid criticism, arguing, or any form of negativity. Instead, focus on creating a safe and welcoming environment by being merciful and compassionate. Show that you value their presence and that their absence has been felt. This can be as simple as expressing that you miss them and that their community within the Church wants them back.
Remember, it is not about trying to convince them to return but about building bridges and reconnecting. Your role is to initiate that first step and let them know that someone cares and is thinking about them. This simple act can have a profound impact and create an opportunity for further dialogue and potential reconciliation.
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Frequently asked questions
It is important to be empathetic and compassionate. Many fallen-away Catholics feel hurt, angry, or lost, and want to know that someone cares about them. It is also important to listen to them and not preach at them.
People leave the Church for various reasons, ranging from "I just drifted away" to "I don't believe in these teachings" to "Someone in the Church wronged me". Remember that their reasons for leaving may not make sense to you, but that doesn't make them invalid.
Firstly, tell them that they are missed and that you care about them. Secondly, invite them back to the Church. Be the one to take the initiative and reach out. Finally, don't wait for them to come to you—be proactive in closing the distance.
It is important to respect their decision and not try to force them to change their mind. Continue to be a supportive friend or family member, and pray for them if that is something you are comfortable with. Remember that their happiness and well-being are what is most important.
