Sarah Mitchell
The term recovering Catholic is used by some former Catholics to describe their religious status and the process of moving on from the negative influence of the religion on their lives. Many individuals who were raised Catholic have spoken about the psychological impact of the religion, including feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety. Some have also discussed the fear of hell and the negative self-talk that can result from Catholic teachings. For those who were raised Catholic and are dealing with the impact of the religion on their lives, it can be challenging to unpack and replace ingrained thought patterns and beliefs.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Self-esteem issues | Low self-esteem |
| Feelings of guilt and shame | Guilt and shame |
| Fear of hell | Fear |
| Anxiety | Anxiety |
| Obsessed with doing good | Obsessive |
| Negative self-talk | Negative thoughts |
| Irrational fear | Irrationality |
| Anger towards organized religion | Anger |
| Feeling constantly told that you're not worthy | Unworthiness |
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What You'll Learn
Overcoming Catholic guilt
The term "Catholic guilt" refers to a pervasive feeling of remorse for violating the moral standards of the Catholic Church. This guilt can be distressing and pervasive, affecting one's thoughts, actions, and sense of self-worth. It can also lead to anxiety, particularly around the fear of eternal damnation for one's actions. For members of the LGBTQIA+ community, this guilt can be especially painful, as their very existence may be taught as a reason for damnation.
To overcome Catholic guilt, one must address the underlying causes and develop healthier thought patterns. Here are some strategies to consider:
- Recognize and challenge negative self-talk: Catholic teachings can instill a self-critical inner voice that constantly scrutinizes one's actions and thoughts for signs of sinfulness. It is important to recognize and challenge this negative self-talk by speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion.
- Develop a sense of self-compassion: Learn to treat yourself with kindness and compassion, recognizing that perfection is not the goal. Building reciprocal relationships with supportive people can also help foster a sense of security and self-compassion.
- Separate religion from morality: You can believe in an objective morality without the concept of sin. Focus on being a good person in ways that matter, such as being kind and helpful, rather than adhering to religious rules that may not align with your values.
- Challenge religious dogma: Question the teachings that contribute to your guilt. For example, the idea that God will punish you for every mistake or that certain thoughts or actions are inherently sinful.
- Seek professional help: Therapy can be beneficial in processing and overcoming Catholic guilt. A therapist can provide an objective perspective and help you develop healthier thought patterns.
- Fill the void left by Catholicism: When leaving the Catholic Church, it's important to fill the void left by its teachings. This may involve exploring other spiritual paths or secular philosophies that align with your values and provide a sense of community.
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Unlearning negative self-talk
Many people who were raised Catholic talk about the negative psychological impact it had on them. Some people feel that they have self-esteem issues, guilt, and shame as a result of their Catholic upbringing. The constant reminder that one is not worthy and is a sinner can lead to toxic thought patterns that are difficult to shake off. This negative self-talk can affect one's performance and overall well-being.
Recognize and acknowledge the negative self-talk: Pay attention to your thoughts and identify when you are engaging in negative self-talk. Be mindful of the moments when you put yourself down or criticize yourself harshly.
Challenge the negative thoughts: Once you identify a negative thought, challenge its validity and accuracy. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support this thought or if it is an exaggerated or distorted perception. For example, if you find yourself thinking, "I'm not worthy," counter it by recognizing your inherent worth as a human being, or recall your accomplishments and strengths.
Reframe the negative thoughts: Instead of simply dismissing negative thoughts, try to reframe them into more positive or realistic statements. For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, "I'm a failure," replace it with, "I didn't succeed this time, but I can learn from this and improve." Reframing helps shift your perspective and focuses on growth and self-improvement.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Engage in self-care activities that nurture your body and mind. Practice self-acceptance and extend forgiveness to yourself when you make mistakes. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and that you are worthy of love and compassion, just like anyone else.
Seek professional help if needed: Unlearning negative self-talk can be a journey, and it is okay to seek professional support. Therapy can provide you with additional tools and strategies to challenge negative thoughts and replace them with healthier ones. A therapist can also help you explore and address any underlying issues that may be contributing to your negative self-talk.
Remember that unlearning negative self-talk is a process, and it may take time and consistent effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate even the smallest victories along the way. With practice, you can develop a healthier and more positive inner dialogue.
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Managing anxiety and depression
Understanding the interplay between body and spirit
As a Catholic, it is important to understand the interplay between the body and spirit when it comes to mental health. While medication and talk therapy can help alleviate symptoms, a Catholic psychologist may also aim to help individuals become who God created them to be, which may involve reformulating how one considers their mental health in the context of their faith.
Spiritual reading and reflection
Spiritual reading is the slow, prayerful reading of books that nourish the spiritual life, such as Sacred Scriptures or books by saints and theologians. Reflecting on and thanking Jesus for his sacrifice, as well as meditating on verses about God's provision, can help put one's worries into perspective. For instance, in Matthew 6:34, Jesus says, "Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil."
Seeking professional help
It is important to recognize when professional help is needed. Clinical anxiety and depression are serious mental health issues that may require the assistance of a professional who specializes in psychological difficulties. There are Catholic therapists who integrate faith with their practice and can help address both the spiritual and psychological aspects of these issues.
Practical actions
In addition to spiritual practices, taking practical actions can also help manage anxiety and depression. This could include getting outside and accomplishing tasks, spending time in nature, or connecting with friends to discuss a book or article over a cup of tea or coffee.
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Dealing with fear and sexual repression
Recognize the Impact of Catholic Sexual Repression: Understand that the fear and sexual repression you may be experiencing are common issues for people raised in the Catholic faith. The Catholic Church has a well-documented history of promoting sexual repression and instilling fear and guilt around sex. Recognizing that these feelings are a result of your religious upbringing is the first step towards dealing with them.
Unlearn Negative Messages: The Catholic Church often teaches that sex is sinful and something to be ashamed of. These negative messages can lead to unhealthy thought patterns and a poor self-image. Work on unlearning these messages and replacing them with more positive and healthy beliefs about sexuality. Remind yourself that sexual urges and thoughts are a normal part of human nature.
Seek Professional Help: Consider seeking the help of a therapist or counsellor who can support you in processing the shame and guilt associated with your religious upbringing. Cognitive processing therapy, in particular, has been mentioned as beneficial in dealing with these issues. A good therapist can provide you with tools to challenge negative thoughts and develop healthier beliefs about yourself and your sexuality.
Find Supportive Communities: Connect with support groups or forums, either online or in-person, specifically for ex-Catholics dealing with similar struggles. Sharing your experiences and hearing from others who understand the unique challenges of recovering from a Catholic upbringing can be incredibly validating and helpful.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and patient with yourself as you work through these issues. It takes time to undo years of programming and reprogram your mindset. Remind yourself that any feelings of guilt or shame are a result of religious conditioning and are not inherent to who you are as a person.
Explore Sexuality at Your Own Pace: Take the time to explore your sexuality in a way that feels comfortable and safe for you. Remember that everyone's journey is unique, and there is no "right" way to embrace your sexuality. Go at your own pace and set boundaries that feel respectful and honouring to yourself and your body.
By implementing these strategies, you can begin to address the fear and sexual repression associated with being raised Catholic and move towards a healthier and more positive relationship with yourself and your sexuality.
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Finding community outside the Church
For those who have left the Catholic Church, finding a new community can be challenging, but it is possible to find support and friendship outside of the Church. Here are some ways to find community and connection:
Explore other spiritual or non-spiritual communities: There are many other spiritual paths and communities that may resonate with your values and beliefs. These could include other Christian denominations, such as Baptist or Methodist churches, or alternative spiritual practices like mindfulness or yoga communities. You might also choose to explore secular communities, such as ethical societies or humanist groups, which can provide a sense of community and shared values without a religious framework.
Join social and hobby groups: Connecting with others over shared interests is a great way to build a new community. Consider joining local clubs or groups related to your hobbies and passions. This could include sports teams, book clubs, art groups, volunteer organizations, or community projects. These can provide a sense of belonging and friendship, as well as a space to explore your interests in a supportive environment.
Online communities: The internet offers a vast array of online communities and support groups for those who have left the Catholic Church. Forums, message boards, and social media groups can connect you with people who share similar experiences and perspectives. Online communities can be especially helpful if you live in an area where there are few alternatives to the Catholic Church in terms of community and social activities.
Therapy and support groups: Leaving the Catholic Church can be emotionally challenging, and it is important to prioritize your mental health during this transition. Consider seeking individual therapy to process any difficult emotions and unpack any negative self-talk or guilt that may have been instilled during your religious upbringing. Additionally, support groups specifically for those recovering from religion can provide a safe space to share your experiences and connect with others on a deeper level.
Remember, building a new community takes time, so be patient with yourself and stay open to new experiences and connections. It is possible to find meaningful friendships and a sense of belonging outside of the Catholic Church.
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Frequently asked questions
The term "recovering Catholic" is used by some former practising Catholics to describe their religious status. It implies that the person considers their former Catholicism to have been a negative influence on their life and that they are in the process of "recovering" from it. The term is sometimes used light-heartedly, drawing a parallel with 12-step recovery programs, although practising Catholics may find it offensive.
Many people who were raised Catholic report experiencing guilt, shame, and low self-esteem as a result. The Catholic Church's teachings on sin, pride, and the body can contribute to negative self-talk and an unhealthy relationship with one's body and natural impulses. Others have reported fear of Hell and an irrational fear of sin as lingering impacts of their Catholic upbringing.
Recognising and unpacking the negative thought patterns and beliefs instilled during one's Catholic upbringing is an important step in recovery. Challenging negative self-talk and replacing it with more positive and healthy thoughts can be a cathartic process. It is also essential to develop a more positive and respectful relationship with one's body and natural impulses. For some, this may involve seeking professional support to process and overcome the psychological impacts of their religious upbringing.
