Sarah Mitchell
Sexual frustration is a common challenge for Catholic couples, who may struggle with periodic abstinence and the Church's teachings on sexuality and marriage. While some may view sexual repression as the only option for celibate individuals, Catholic theology affirms the goodness of the human body and sex, seeing sexuality as an intimate aspect of a person's being, designed by God to unite a man and woman as one flesh within the confines of marriage. For unmarried individuals, the Bible emphasizes self-control and the proper use of sexual capacities, while couples facing sexual frustration are encouraged to pray together, maintain non-sexual intimacy, and communicate openly about their struggles.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Sexuality in Catholic theology | God created everything "very good", so the human body and sex are good. |
| Sexual expression | Should be limited to marriage. |
| Sexual frustration in marriage | Can be caused by periodic abstinence. |
| Dealing with sexual frustration in marriage | Couples should pray together, talk about their emotional and spiritual health, and be affectionate without it leading to sex. |
| Sexual frustration for unmarried people | Can be relieved through self-control, redirecting thoughts and energies to serving God, and avoiding unnecessary sexual stimulation. |
| Sexual sins | Include pornography, masturbation, and premarital sex. |
| Dealing with sexual sin | Seek reconciliation and God's mercy, remembering that salvation comes from God, not personal effort. |
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What You'll Learn
Seek God's grace and forgiveness
While it is natural to experience sexual frustration, it is important to remember that God has commanded that sexual expression be limited to marriage. The Bible nowhere portrays sexuality as sinful or dirty, but rather as a gift from God. It is only the misuse and abuse of sexual capacities that are wrong.
When faced with sexual temptation, it is important to seek God's grace and forgiveness. Remember that you are not alone in this battle and that God's grace, not your own efforts, can strengthen, forgive, and save you. In moments of weakness, recall the Lord's words of encouragement and prayerfully ask for His help. Trust in His mercy and love, and remember that He has power over all evil and can conquer all sin.
One way to seek God's grace is through constant prayer and seeking God's will for your life. Pray for forgiveness and guidance, and remember that God has asked you to abstain from sexual sin for a reason. Cry out to Him when the temptation becomes too strong, and He will give you the strength to overcome it.
Another way to seek God's grace is to direct your energies into useful service for the Lord. Glorify Him in all things and strive to please and honor Him with your thoughts, words, and deeds. Cultivate self-discipline and stay close to God, wearing His spiritual armor. Trust that He will battle for you and direct your desires as you invite Him to do so. Let Jesus be your example of self-discipline and remember that He too had to manage His sexual drives to the glory of God.
Additionally, when faced with sexual temptation, it is important to redirect your thoughts and take steps to dampen the urgency of the desire. Do something physical, such as exercise, take a walk, or take a cold shower to cool your body and your sexual urges. Avoid all forms of unnecessary sexual stimulation, including visual media that showcases nakedness or sexual activity. Instead, fill your mind with God's word and seek to honor Him in your thoughts and actions.
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Redirect your thoughts and energy to serving God
Dealing with sexual frustration can be challenging, but for Catholics, it is important to remember that sexuality is a gift from God and that sexual expression should be confined to marriage. Here are some ways to redirect your thoughts and energy towards serving God when facing sexual frustration:
Seek to glorify God in all things
Recognise that your body is a temple of God (2 Corinthians 6:16) and that sexuality is an intimate part of who you are, designed by God to unite a man and a woman as one flesh (Genesis). Redirect your energy towards serving the Lord and glorifying Him in all your thoughts and actions.
Cultivate a mindset of pleasing and honouring God
Focus on pleasing and honouring God, even with your imagination and self-discipline. Strengthen your discipline by staying close to God and wearing His spiritual armour. Remember that the Holy Spirit lives within you and will guide your desires if you invite Him to do so.
Follow Jesus' example of self-discipline
Jesus was tempted in every way, just as we are, yet he remained sinless (Hebrews 4:15). He managed His sexual drives to the glory of God, and we can follow His example by exercising self-control and sacrificing our desires for a higher purpose.
Serve others and let God work through you
Jesus directed His energy towards meeting the needs of others. By serving others, you can allow God to work through you and find fulfilment in bringing His love and light to those around you.
Redirect your thoughts and take practical steps
When facing sexual urges, actively redirect your thoughts and engage in activities that can help dampen the urgency of the desire. Exercise, take a walk, or try taking a cold shower, as cooling the body can help cool sexual urges.
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Exercise self-control and discipline
The Bible commands self-control (1 Corinthians 9:24–27; 2 Peter 1:6). While sexuality is a gift from God, it is important to exercise self-control and discipline. The unmarried must learn to cope with the build-up of sexual tension in ways that honour God.
Sexual purity is something to which we are always called (1 Corinthians 6:18; 1 Thessalonians 4:3–8; Hebrews 13:4). When a sexual urge grows, redirect your thoughts and take steps to dampen the urgency of the desire. Do some exercises, take a walk, or take a cold shower—cooling the body can literally cool sexual urges. Avoid all forms of unnecessary sexual stimulation. Men should remember that their desire is usually stimulated by what they see, so it is important to avoid any movie, TV show, or other visual media that shows nakedness or sexual activity. Women are often stimulated by emotion or relationships but can also be impacted by sight.
Let Jesus be your example. He was "tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin" (Hebrews 4:15), which means He managed His sexual drives to the glory of God. Direct your energies into useful service for the Lord, seeking to glorify Him in all things. Cultivate a mindset of pleasing and honouring God even with your imagination and self-discipline.
Couples who handle periodic abstinence well make the time to talk regularly (at least several times a week) with each other, not just about what needs to be accomplished but also about their emotional and spiritual health and where they think God is leading them as individuals and as a couple. They also talk openly, without blaming the other or becoming defensive, about their personal struggles with sexual frustration and the pain that is a natural part of growing into the people God is calling them to be.
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Pray with your partner and talk about your struggles
Praying together with your partner is an important way to deal with sexual frustration as a Catholic. It is a way to bring your real-life joys and pains before the Lord and to seek God's will for your life as a couple. Through constant prayer, you can discern the reasons for abstinence and find comfort in knowing that it is a path chosen by God to lead you towards growth and virtue.
When praying together, it is important to be honest and vulnerable, sharing your struggles and emotions. This means acknowledging the pain and frustration caused by abstinence and expressing your desire for your partner. For example, you could say, "I know God has asked us to take this time off, but sometimes it hurts so much when I just want to be with you." This type of openness fosters intimacy and helps you both understand each other's experiences.
Additionally, couples who handle periodic abstinence well tend to be affectionate throughout all phases of their cycle. They understand that hugs, kisses, cuddling, and even "making out" can be expressions of love that do not have to lead to sex. This non-sexual intimacy is an important aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship and can even enhance attraction between partners.
By praying together and openly communicating about your struggles, you and your partner can navigate sexual frustration in a way that deepens your emotional and spiritual connection. It is a way to invite God into your relationship and seek guidance and strength to honour His wishes while also managing your natural desires. Remember, the frustration of abstinence is easier to bear when you can see the fruit that God will bring and when you can cry out to Him together in your moments of weakness.
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Surrender lust to Christ and allow the resurrection of sexual desire
Surrendering lust to Christ and allowing the resurrection of sexual desire involves acknowledging that lust is a sin, even if it is not physically acted upon. It involves a transformation of the mind, where one actively resists lustful thoughts and instead cultivates a mindset of pleasing and honouring God.
To surrender lust to Christ, one must first recognise that Christ is always with them and nurture their faith through constant prayer. This intimate connection with their faith will help them realise the consequences of their actions and understand that lust is a transgression against their better self.
Secondly, it is important to direct one's energies towards serving the Lord and seeking to glorify Him in all things. This involves redirecting thoughts and taking steps to dampen the urgency of sexual desire. For example, one can engage in physical activities like exercises, walking, or taking a cold shower to cool the body and curb sexual urges. It is also crucial to avoid all forms of unnecessary sexual stimulation, such as visual media that showcases nakedness or sexual activity.
Additionally, believers must strive for self-control and discipline, wearing God's spiritual armour and trusting in His power to battle for them. They should remember that the Holy Spirit dwells within them and that their bodies are temples of God. By inviting the Holy Spirit to master and direct their desires, they can surrender lust and allow the resurrection of sexual desire within the confines of marriage, as intended by God.
Finally, believers should seek to follow Jesus' example of self-discipline and sacrifice. By meditating on the glory of the Lord and marinating their minds in the word of God, they can transform their desires, preferences, and convictions to align with those of Christ. This receptive transformation will help them overcome lustful thoughts and surrender them to Christ.
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Frequently asked questions
The Bible commands self-control (1 Corinthians 9:24–27; 2 Peter 1:6). Sexuality is not sinful or dirty, but it must be expressed within the confines of marriage. To relieve sexual tension, redirect your thoughts and take steps to dampen the urgency of the desire. Do some exercises, take a walk, or take a cold shower.
Couples who handle periodic abstinence well make time to talk regularly about their emotional and spiritual health and where they think God is leading them as individuals and as a couple. They also pray together constantly and continue to show each other non-sexual affection.
The Bible says that sexuality is not sinful or dirty (Genesis). However, sexual expression outside of marriage is considered a grave sin (Matthew 5:28; Job 31:1).
Catholics can avoid sexual sin by cultivating a mindset of pleasing and honouring God and by seeking to glorify Him in all things. They can also avoid unnecessary sexual stimulation and redirect their thoughts when a sexual urge arises.
The Catholic Church teaches that the human body and sex are good because they are created by God. Every person is created in the image of God and has great dignity, including their sexuality.
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