Grace Thompson
The frequency of sexual intercourse among Catholic couples is a topic that has been widely discussed. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, various factors influence the sexual intimacy of Catholic couples. The use of Natural Family Planning (NFP) can impact the frequency, requiring abstinence during fertile periods. Catholic couples may also face challenges due to factors such as addiction, illness, family responsibilities, and travel. Sociologist and Catholic priest Andrew Greeley's book, Sex: The Catholic Experience, suggests that Catholics have sex more often, approach it with more playfulness, and are more likely to enjoy it compared to non-Catholics. Ultimately, the decision on the frequency of sexual intimacy rests with each couple, and it is essential to prioritize open communication and emotional intimacy.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Deciding factors | Couples should decide the right amount of sex for themselves, taking variables into account |
| Variables | Children, illness, medical conditions, family responsibilities, travel, addiction, etc. |
| Natural Family Planning (NFP) | Couples practicing NFP will have periods of abstinence |
| NFP pregnancy | NFP does not guarantee that a couple will not get pregnant |
| NFP sex life | Couples using NFP may have a good sex life |
| NFP divorce rates | NFP-using couples are not divorcing anywhere near the same rate as contraceptive-using couples |
| NFP pregnancy danger | There is no "danger" of pregnancy for a woman who is already pregnant |
| NFP frequency | 8-9 times a month is a high frequency for NFP-using couples |
| NFP ovulation | Couples may use test sticks to determine when a woman has ovulated and wait 2-3 days after to have sex |
| NFP abstinence | Couples may need to abstain when a woman is most likely to be "in the mood" because she is fertile |
| NFP mental health | NFP can be challenging and cause harm to a marriage |
| NFP community support | Communities and Catholic Churches do little or nothing to support large families |
| Sex drive | A woman's sex drive may increase or decrease during her fertile time |
| Emotional intimacy | Couples can improve their emotional intimacy by going on dates, taking walks, and having deep conversations |
| Sexual intimacy | Couples can learn about healthy intimacy and sexuality |
| Birth control | Birth control is not an option for Catholics |
| Sex frequency | Catholic couples have sex more often than non-Catholics |
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Natural Family Planning (NFP)
NFP is unique among methods of family planning because it enables its users to work with the body rather than against it. It is based on research about women's menstrual cycles and the signs of female fertility. Over a century ago, scientists discovered cyclic changes in cervical mucus and their relation to ovulation. In the 1920s, scientists identified the temperature rise that signals ovulation. It wasn't until the 1950s that scientists developed programs to teach others how to observe and interpret these fertility signs.
There are several methods of NFP:
- The mucus or ovulation method: A woman checks and tracks her cervical mucus, which during ovulation, is stretchy, clear, and slick. It looks and feels like an uncooked egg white.
- The sympto-thermal method: A woman takes her daily basal body temperature (BBT) using a specific thermometer. At the time of ovulation, BBT will rise between 0.5 and 1 degree.
- The sympto-hormonal method: This method relies on at-home urine tests to monitor hormone levels that can predict fertility.
When practicing NFP, there will be times during the month when a couple cannot have sex. This is because NFP requires abstinence during the fertile phase of the menstrual cycle to avoid pregnancy.
The success rate of NFP varies depending on the intention of the couple. When NFP methods are followed to prevent pregnancy, the success rate is about 90%. When NFP methods are followed to conceive, on average, 2 out of 3 couples who don’t have fertility problems become pregnant. It is important to note that NFP does not guarantee that pregnancy will not occur. Additionally, other methods of birth control, when used as directed, tend to offer more protection against pregnancy than NFP.
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Abstinence
NFP is a method of family planning that aligns with Catholic teachings. It involves abstaining from sexual intercourse during a woman's fertile period to avoid pregnancy. While NFP can be effective, it requires careful tracking of a woman's cycle and can result in multiple days of abstinence. Some couples may find this challenging, especially if the woman has an irregular cycle.
In Catholic theology, sexual intercourse within marriage is considered chaste when it retains the twofold significance of union and procreation. This belief stems from the Church's interpretation of "natural law," canonical scripture, divine revelation, and sacred tradition. The Council of Trent (1566) and subsequent synods did not mandate abstinence as an "obligation" but rather as an "admonition."
For married Catholic couples, periods of abstinence may be advised or required in certain situations. For example, the Eastern Orthodox Church and the Ukrainian Catholic Church counsel married couples to abstain from sexual relations during specific fasting seasons, such as Lent, as well as on certain days of the week and during Holy Week. These practices are rooted in liturgical life and have been observed since the time of St. Paul.
Additionally, abstinence may be recommended for couples dealing with pornography or sex addiction. A period of abstinence can allow the addicted spouse to recover and the offended spouse to heal from the pain of betrayal. During this time, couples can focus on building emotional intimacy and learning about healthy sexuality.
While abstinence is a central aspect of Catholic sexual ethics, the specific practices and experiences of Catholic couples can vary. The frequency of sexual intercourse depends on numerous factors, and each couple must decide what is suitable for them.
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Sexual addiction
The frequency of sex among Catholic couples varies, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Natural Family Planning (NFP) practices, children, and other factors such as illness, work, and travel can influence how often Catholic couples have sex.
To overcome sexual addiction, a period of abstinence is often recommended to allow the addicted spouse to detox and the offended spouse to heal. During this time, couples can focus on building emotional intimacy and learning about healthy sexuality. Seeking professional help from therapists or counsellors, such as Dr. Kleponis, who specializes in sexual addiction recovery, can also aid in overcoming addiction and restoring marriages.
Additionally, turning to God and desiring release from sexual addictions can be a powerful step towards healing and salvation. St. Augustine, a saint who struggled with sexual compulsivity, is an example of how holiness and change are achievable. Through prayer, repentance, and support from the Catholic community, individuals can find comfort and work towards lifelong healing.
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Emotional intimacy
One way to enhance emotional intimacy is for couples to engage in deep and meaningful conversations. This can involve sharing thoughts, feelings, and desires without fear of judgment or criticism. By creating a safe and non-confrontational space, couples can express their emotions and work through any issues or disagreements constructively. This type of honest dialogue can lead to a deeper understanding of each other's needs and foster a stronger emotional connection.
Shared experiences also play a vital role in building emotional intimacy. Catholic couples can participate in activities that encourage cooperation, trust, and vulnerability. This might include going on dates, taking walks together, or engaging in new and exciting adventures. By creating shared memories and experiences, couples can strengthen their bond and feel more connected on an emotional level.
Additionally, emotional intimacy can be enhanced by showing mutual support and understanding. This involves actively listening to one another, being empathetic, and providing comfort during difficult times. By being present and responsive to each other's needs, Catholic couples can create a sense of security and trust, which are essential for a deep emotional connection.
Self-reflection and awareness are also important aspects of emotional intimacy. By taking the time to understand their own emotions and needs, Catholic couples can more effectively communicate and support each other. Self-reflection can lead to greater self-acceptance and a stronger sense of self-worth, which can positively impact the relationship.
During periods of abstinence or lower sexual frequency, Catholic couples can use this time to focus on their emotional connection. For example, if a couple is practising Natural Family Planning (NFP), they may experience periods of abstinence during the woman's fertile window. During these times, they can prioritise emotional intimacy by having open conversations, showing affection, and creating shared experiences that go beyond physical intimacy.
In summary, emotional intimacy for Catholic couples involves cultivating a deep and meaningful connection through honest communication, shared experiences, and mutual support. By prioritising emotional intimacy, Catholic couples can enhance their relationship and create a strong foundation of trust and understanding, which can ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying partnership.
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Pregnancy
Firstly, it is important to note that the Catholic Church defines chastity as the virtue that moderates the sexual appetite, and it applies to everyone, including married couples. Sexual intercourse within marriage is considered chaste when it serves the dual purposes of union and procreation. This belief is supported by Pope John Paul II's writings, which emphasize the importance of chastity in married life, respecting God's intentions, and fostering mutual support and love between spouses.
During pregnancy, the Church's teachings on sexual intercourse become more nuanced. While some Church Fathers, such as St. Augustine, spoke against sexual intercourse during pregnancy, the Church's official position is more nuanced and humane. Pope Pius XI stated that married couples are not considered to be acting against nature if they engage in sexual intercourse during pregnancy, as long as it is done in a proper manner and does not harm the mother or the child. This is because the sexual act during pregnancy still retains its intrinsic ordination to the procreative end, even if natural circumstances prohibit the achievement of that end.
In summary, it is generally considered morally permissible for Catholic couples to engage in sexual intercourse during pregnancy. This is because the act is still directed towards the potential for procreation, even if conception is impossible during that time. However, it is important to consider the health and safety of both the mother and the child. If there are health risks or potential harm to either party, then sexual abstinence during that period may be advisable to prioritize the well-being of both mother and child.
Additionally, the Church's teachings on contraception and abortion should be considered in the context of pregnancy and sexual intercourse. The Church has historically opposed contraception, with many early Church Fathers condemning its use. The Catechism specifies that all marriage acts must be both unitive and procreative, ruling out artificial birth control and non-procreative sex acts. Regarding abortion, the Church has a more complex history. While some sources indicate that abortion was considered sinful as early as 100 AD, the Church did not begin vigorously opposing abortion until the 19th century. Pope Pius IX's 1869 bull, Apostolicae Sedis, labeled all abortion as homicide, condemning it regardless of the stage of pregnancy.
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Frequently asked questions
The frequency of sex among Catholic couples varies. Catholic couples approach sex more playfully and are more likely to enjoy it than non-Catholics. However, factors such as children, illness, travel, and business can affect the frequency of sex.
NFP requires abstinence during the woman's fertile period, which may be challenging as it involves abstaining when the woman is most likely to desire sex. Couples may need to abstain from sex for extended periods when practicing NFP, but it does not guarantee pregnancy prevention.
Pregnancy is a likely outcome of frequent sex for Catholic couples who do not use contraception. Additionally, performing on command can be challenging for both spouses, and emotions surrounding sex can be intense and challenging to navigate.
During periods of abstinence or reduced sexual frequency, Catholic couples can focus on emotional intimacy and connection. They can go on dates, take walks, and have deep conversations to strengthen their relationship and improve their sex life when they are ready to resume sexual activity.
