Joshua Bennett
Marriage is a special vocation where Trinitarian love is reflected and spouses help each other and their children get to heaven. While God has not made any universal law commanding or forbidding marriage, He has laid down general laws to help men know when it is lawful and when it is a sin. Marriage is a natural vocation that is presumed for baptized Catholics, and God's grace will be there to help couples live their vows. However, it is important to discern whether marriage is the right vocation for you. This can be done by paying attention to recurring thoughts during prayer, being mindful of possible signs, honestly asking yourself what you want, and seeking guidance from a spiritual director.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Marriage as a vocation | Marriage is a calling, just like the priesthood and religious life |
| God's plan | God has a plan for everyone's life and marriage may be part of it |
| Finding your calling | God will place the calling in your heart and give you peace |
| Falling in love | Falling in love is not the key, but rather letting the Holy Spirit guide you to the person you are called to marry |
| Purity | Keep the relationship Christ-centred and treat each other with love and respect |
| Living together | Living together before marriage is not recommended as it weakens the foundation of your vows |
| Celibacy | Celibacy is not just abstinence but a closed mindset |
| Seeking guidance | Seek guidance from a spiritual director to help interpret signs and feelings |
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What You'll Learn
Marriage as a Catholic vocation
Marriage is a Catholic vocation, just like the priesthood and religious life. Many people forget this and treat marriage as the place for "ordinary" people who don’t have a special calling from God. However, God Himself created marriage as a special vocation where Trinitarian love is reflected and where spouses help each other and their children to get to heaven.
God has a plan for everyone's life, and marriage is the default assumption for most people. God won't call you to anything that would make you miserable, and marriage is a natural state for human beings, who have a natural inclination towards having children. Marriage is a way to serve God and increase holiness. However, it is not for everyone, and some people are called to a life of celibacy and religious service.
If you are discerning your vocation, it is important to pray and ask God for guidance. You can also pay attention to your recurring thoughts during prayer. This is not about simply feeling attracted to marriage, but about inclining your will to embrace everything—even the suffering—within marriage. You can also talk to a spiritual director to help you make sense of conflicting signs and feelings.
It is also important to approach dating, engagement, and marriage in a Christ-centred way. This means challenging your partner to treat you as a child of God, with love and respect, and striving to do the same for them. If Christ is at the centre of the relationship, then the Holy Spirit will confirm in your heart that this marriage is your vocation.
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Discerning God's plan for your life
Recognize God's Plan
Firstly, it is crucial to acknowledge that God has a plan for your life. This realization is an important first step in discerning God's will. Understand that God wants you to live well and trust that He will guide you throughout your journey.
Prayer and Spiritual Discernment
Prayer is an essential tool in discerning God's plan for your life. Pray daily, seeking guidance and expressing your willingness to follow God's plan. Pay attention to your recurring thoughts and desires during prayer. Bring your desire for marriage before God, and ask for clarity and direction. Additionally, spiritual discernment can be enhanced by seeking guidance from a trained spiritual director or counsellor. They can provide an outside perspective and help you interpret God's revelations.
Understanding Marriage as a Vocation
Marriage is a sacred vocation, just like the priesthood or religious life. It is a special calling where spouses support each other and their children in their spiritual journey. Recognizing marriage as a vocation can help you view it as more than just a cultural default or a result of falling in love. Instead, see it as a path chosen by God for your life.
Keeping Relationships Christ-Centered
When considering marriage, it is important to strive for a relationship that is Christ-centered. Challenge and support each other to act with love and respect, and as children of God. Seek God's will in your relationship, and the Holy Spirit will confirm in your heart if marriage is your vocation and if your partner is the one you are called to marry.
Taking Action
Discernment is not just about passive reflection but also about taking action. If you feel called to marriage, consider dating and saying "yes" to opportunities that come your way. By taking action, you allow yourself to learn and grow, gaining insights that will help you discern God's plan more clearly.
Remember, God does not call us to a path that will make us miserable. Trust that He will clear a path for you and provide the grace and strength needed to follow His plan for your life.
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The role of prayer in finding a spouse
Prayer is an important tool for Catholics to discern whether they are called to marriage or a single life. While some believe that God does not play a large role in calling people to marriage, others believe that God has a plan for everyone's life and that marriage is a special vocation where Trinitarian love is reflected.
For those who believe that God has a plan for their life, prayer is a way to discern that plan. A suggested prayer is: "Lord, I say yes to your will in my life. I might not know it yet, but whatever it is, I desire to follow that plan alone. Give me the insight to discern your plan and the courage to say yes to it every day." When someone believes they have discerned a calling from God to marriage, the process has just begun. It is not about "falling in love" but about letting the Holy Spirit guide you to the person you are called to marry.
When you meet someone, prayer is important for asking God for guidance in your relationship. It is also important to keep the relationship pure and Christ-centred, challenging the other person to treat you as a child of God with love and respect. If Christ is at the centre of the relationship and you are continually seeking God's will, the Holy Spirit will confirm in your heart that this marriage is your vocation.
However, it is important to note that God's call may come in the midst of daily life, and seeking guidance from a trained spiritual director can help interpret what God has revealed in prayer. While some people may feel called to marriage, others may feel called to a life of celibacy and service to God. Ultimately, God will place that call in your heart and give you peace.
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Keeping the relationship Christ-centred
Keeping a Catholic marriage Christ-centred is essential for a happy and fulfilling relationship. Marriage is a vocation, just like the priesthood and religious life, and it is a reflection of your relationship with Christ. Here are some ways to keep your relationship Christ-centred:
Prayer and Reflection
Bring your desire for marriage to Jesus in prayer, especially during Eucharistic adoration. Pray for guidance in your relationship and for the strength to follow God's plan. Reflect on your recurring thoughts and inclinations during prayer, and be open to where the Holy Spirit guides you.
Treat Each Other with Love and Respect
Challenge your partner to treat you as a child of God, with love and respect. Strive to do the same for them. Serve one another and put each other first, just as Jesus came to serve. This mutual submission is part of every Christian's call, and it is a way to serve Jesus in your marriage.
Keep the Relationship Pure
Keep your relationship pure and Christ-centred by avoiding physical intimacy before marriage. Living together before marriage can weaken the foundation of your vows and increase the chances of an unhappy marriage or divorce.
Be Filled with the Holy Spirit
Ephesians 5:18 tells us to "be filled with the Holy Spirit". This means staying filled with the Spirit continually as believers. The Holy Spirit's help is necessary in marriage, and being filled with the Spirit will help you make decisions and face challenges together.
Reflect Christ's Relationship with the Church
Your marriage should be a picture to the world of God's relationship with His church. United in the way God intends, with each of you loving, respecting, serving, and honouring the other, you can reveal Christ to an unbelieving world.
Remember, God has a perfect plan for your life, and He will not call you to anything that would make you miserable. Trust in His guidance and keep your marriage Christ-centred to build a strong and lasting foundation.
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Seeking guidance from a spiritual director
- An Outside Perspective: We are often clouded by our own imagination, fears, impulses, sins, and desires, which can blur our vision and make it difficult to discern God's plan for us. A spiritual director provides an outside opinion and can help you interpret what God has revealed to you in prayer.
- Discerning the Right Path: The process of discerning your vocation can be challenging and overwhelming. A spiritual director can help you navigate the terrain and find the path God has laid out for you. They can provide clarity and guidance when you are uncertain or faced with difficult choices.
- Prayer and Discernment: Prayer is an essential part of discerning your vocation. A spiritual director can guide you in your prayer life and help you understand how God is calling you. They can also provide support as you seek to align your desires with God's will.
- Challenging Self-Deception: We can often deceive ourselves, and a spiritual director can help challenge our self-deception. They can provide an honest and objective perspective, helping us to see beyond our own biases and assumptions.
- Peace and Confirmation: If you are seeking God's will sincerely, He will give you peace about your vocation, whether it is marriage or another path. A spiritual director can help you discern this peace and confirm your calling. They can also provide support as you take steps of faith toward your vocation.
Remember, seeking guidance from a spiritual director is not about finding all the answers, but about gaining wisdom and direction as you continue your journey of discernment. Trust that God has a plan for your life and that He will guide you as you seek His will.
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Frequently asked questions
It is believed that God has not made any universal law commanding or forbidding marriage. However, it is important to note that marriage is considered a noble vocation and is often assumed to be the default for many. If you are a seeker of God's will, it is believed that He will place that call in your heart and it will leave you with a constant peace.
When someone truly discerns a calling from God to marriage, it is advised to let the Holy Spirit guide you to the person you are called to marry. When you meet someone, it is suggested that you spend a lot of time in prayer, asking the Lord for guidance in your relationship.
Living together is not considered a "test marriage" and is generally discouraged. It is believed that living together before marriage increases the chances of divorce and an unhappy marriage.
Celibacy is a mandated vow for those in the Catholic faith who are called to full-time ministry. It is believed that God gives the gift of celibacy to make people more available to Him, not to themselves. It is important to note that celibacy is not just abstaining from sex but also involves a closed mindset, dedicating oneself solely to God.
